Category Archives: Breastfeeding

Baby Number Two.

No, as of this posting I am not pregnant. Relax.

I feel like EVERYONE, is on baby number two…..except me. Girls that were pregnant when Gavin was just a few months old are now preggo with number two. I feel like I’ve failed (once again – a recurring theme)  in the aspect of  childbearing. Nothing says loving like a bun in the oven, right? Cut to me. Sucking at wife-dom and life.

Is my head not in the right place for another child. Is my heart? Why am I not anxiously awaiting my ovulation days, ready to pounce on my husband’s ( extremely fertile, I might add – sorry for the gross out) sperm? Am I scared of the hospital? Am I scared of the possible c-section? Am I afraid that I might attempt a VBAC only to have it fail miserably?

Here’s the completely superficial terrible reasons I’m not actively babymaking……

1. Doctor’s appointments. What the F am I supposed to do with my son while I’m getting checked and fetal monitored and blood drawn and ultra-sounded? I have no  family around to drop G off with while I attend the ninety million doctor appointments that pregnancy requires….I can just imagine him wreaking havoc on the exam room while I’m incapacitated with my knees to my chest. Great.

2. Morning Sickness. Um, I think I was close to death on a quite a few occasions in my first and only pregnancy to date….so I can only assume that this one will have the same theme.  Puke, puke, nausea, sleep and more puke.  Considering it’s a challenge to take care of my toddler’s ever changing needs and cleaning a house and scheduling a shower in every other day for myself and perhaps twenty minutes of y’know relaxtion or something on TV that’s not Yo Gabba Gabba or Wonderpets….

3. Lack of familial support.  I guess this isn’t a real reason, but it kinda bothers me. My husband’s mother is basically non-existent in my son’s life. Although she lives an hour away it might as well be 4,000 miles. I can count the number of times she’s seen him on ONE HAND in the whole two years of his life. So….yeah…

My Mom although she has seen and babysat and watched and soothed him more times than I can count is still living in the dirty south…Georgia, Georgia right now. She does come and visit for a few days once every month or two which I look forward to (probably more than I should- YES SOMEONE ELSE TO CHANGE A FREAKING DIAPER)….but she isn’t on hand- accessible 24-7 like I (selfishly) would like.

But, hang on, my DAD ( he works in Chicago and commutes back and forth to Georgia ($$$$) where he technically lives. My parents are still crazy stupid in love, so I don’t know how they stand to be apart from each other 4 days a week)  is a one awesome babysitter.  He is the reason me and my husband get to go on sushi dates and get to go to fun places like Wal-mart without me worrying that Gavino is touching/licking the cart handles. So Yay for my Dad.  But, still he works like 90 million hours a week and is constantly back and forth to GA.

4.  I have to pick another doctor. Ugh. No thanks. Although the hospital where G was born has one of the highest VBAC rates in the state, I just don’t want to drive 45 mins to my doctor’s appointment.  Plus, I wish the staff was more….friendly. My experiences there were not good.  I have to pick another hospital that will allow me to attempt a vbac. I would like a midwife. I would like a doula. I don’t even know where to start.  My husband doesn’t think I will be able to have a vbac, I can tell…..I know he’s already counting on another c-sec…that makes me sad….because that just reinforces my dis-illusioned (sp) belief that I suck at birthing and parenthood in general….

5. This is my unknown secretive reason that I will never reveal to anyone why I am holding back on baby number two.

6 . Everyone that was allowed a vaginal birth I want to punch in the fucking face. Sorry 66% of birthing moms I’m still pissed about my c-section. STILL. Like two years later. Every time I hear about someone whose baby came out in 4 pushes and they naturally labored for two hours, I get jealous. Like some psycho ex-girlfriend that’s me…The crazy pissed off bitch writing about how angry she is on her little blog….Blah.  Misery loves company. What a terrible thing to write. I suck.

7. The terrible fear that I will have trouble getting pregnant and that I will become a chart-making, temperature taking, hormone injecting crazed babymaker instead of….We loved each other…Two bottles of wine later….some passionate sex and I got pregnant with you. Oops. Yay!

8. My extreme hypochondria/OCD… Not fabricated. It’s real. Health shit scares me. A lot. I can’t even begin to contemplate my extreme fears regarding hospital birthing and germs and staph infections and really I can’t even type or else I will start to my freak out and go put some latex gloves on so the germs can’t get me.

*****Notice that I haven’t listed missed time with Gavino as a reason. However, I can’t list that as a reason considering how deeply enamored he is with little people close to his size.  I would miss the co-sleeping. A lot. Yes, we still co-sleep. (stone me, independent sleepers)…..But I would think he would absolutely love a little sibling. Someone to love on and cuddle and play with.

**** Also, I haven’t listed getting fat as a superficial reason, which I assume  would be on most people’s lists of why they don’t want to be currently pregnant.  Just FYI Breastfeeding is the most kick-ass diet you will ever be on. I was almost at my high school weight.  For realz.

– I am confident in one thing – My determination to breastfeed my second baby. Gavino was a relatively easy baby to breastfeed. I also pumped for almost a full year while working ( I’M BRAGGING BECAUSE I WILL FOREVER BE PROUD OF MYSELF)….We did have ups, downs and bumps, lumps and mastitis…but I breastfed him til 18 months which was my goal. So yay. I will do the same for the second one and maybe even breastfeed til 2 years.

Um…yeah….That’s my mini-rant.  I have no great way to end this post. No quippy quote. Just…Yeah… This  is what goes through my head.

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Filed under BIRTH, Breastfeeding, Gavin, Mommyhood

Wordless

I'm MAD Mommy has to work, I hate these stinkin bottles! I want the real deal- boobs!

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Filed under Breastfeeding, Gavin, Mommyhood, Wordless

All night, All you can eat buffet….

So I’ve heard that around 4-5 months babies sleep patterns can be interrupted or changed. Oh, wow. My baby has been sleeping through the night since he was 6 weeks old. NOW, WHAT IS GOING ON? It is a blast getting up with Gavin….all….night….long. My favorite part is that I have to be up for work at 6:15. Yes,  six  freaking fifteen. I’m so exhausted , so this has actually been dragging out til 6:30 or 6:40. I’ve been Hitting the snooze 3 times, then waking up in a panic….Rushing through my shower, shortening Gavin’s morning nursing session to only ten minutes (I felt bad, but then I thought WOW he is eating every two hours at night). I’m just generally rushing around like a crazy person.

I don’t get to bed til 11 at the earliest. Usually midnight on most nights.  Gavin woke up 3 times last night between 12am and 6:00 am. He kept rolling over towards my boobs and shoving his face into them (Gavin not my husband, har har har). So I figured he was hungry and not just fussy.  Plus, feeding him really is the easiest thing to do at night. I just roll over, stick my boob in his mouth and drift off to sleep….. Part of me is a little annoyed with my husband. Y’know since he STAYS HOME WITH THE BABY ALL DAY WHILE I CART MY ASS OFF TO WORK AT 7AM.  He never wakes up to soothe the baby or anything. I’ll look over at him and he’ll just be sleeping. Then in the morning when I tell him that Gavin was up all night he’ll so kindly inform me, “Yeah, I heard him three times last night”. Oh so you DID hear him? Because I was under the impression that you had invisible earplugs that deafened you to all sounds of our screaming baby between the hours of 10pm-7am.  But really, what can he do? Feed him a bottle of pumped milk? Blechhh….that takes too long. By the time that would happen, G would be hysterical and the whole neighborhood would probably be awake. So, my only recourse is to complain for a few minutes on my delightful blog.

Ahh, I feel so much better now. Not. (Remember NOT, when that was the cool thing to say in elementary school?)

I’m hoping this is just a growth spurt, or just because he’s teething or maybe just a fluke. Please God Please God Please God Please God.

You can't be upset Mommy! I'm too cute!

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Filed under Breastfeeding, Gavin, Mommyhood, RANTS AND RAVES

Medela Giveaway!

This giveaway is so awesome I just had to share! BabyBix is giving away a Medela Freestyle Breastpump! Go HERE to enter!

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Filed under Breastfeeding, Pregnancy

4 1/2 Months Old….




G is so beautiful. I have never loved someone like I love him. He poops on my hand, I shower him with kisses. He pees on the wall, I tell him how amazing he is. He pukes into my cleavage and I snuggle him close. I never thought I would get HERE.

Here as in: I’m confident in my abilities as a Mommy. I know I try my hardest to be a great Mommy to Gavin. Forget drinking and going out to bars, nothing sounds better to me than a cuddly baby and a great movie. Life has taken quite the unexpected turn, and I couldn’t be happier with my little man.

– Gavin has been rolling over (back to stomach) for a few weeks now. I am so proud, because I kinda sorta neglected tummy time. He hated it. I hated it. Lots of crying. No fun. I would probably do 10 minutes of tummy time every other day in the beginning . (Bad Mommy award goes to me!) But, he figured it out.

– He’s starting to say consonants like “bbbb” and “mmmm”. I’m hoping Mama comes soon. No “ddd”s yet. (HAHA, I WIN!- He gets to be home with him all day, I should at least get SOMETHING!)

– Breastfeeding is going GREAT. *knock on wood*. Pumping at work is a pain. Actually hauling my pump around is more of a pain than the ACTUAL pumping. Hopefully Mike gets a job soon and I can be done with the PUMP!

– He is doing great at sitting up. He uses his mini-abs to pull himself up into a sitting position now. He will fall forward, but I am so proud that he can actually sit up.

– Gavin + Jumparoo = BFF. He loves to bounce. When I hold him up in a standing position he just bounces, bounces and bounces some more. Oh, the energy he uses. But he is tireless.

– Naps. He still only naps for a max of 45 minutes. I am hating on the Mama’s whose babies nap for 3 hours ! You must be able to get SO MUCH DONE!

– We are co-sleeping still. Having him in bed with me just feels RIGHT. Putting him in the PnP next to me makes me feel disconnected and nervous. Knowing we get that big chunk of time every night to be together is something I look forward to every day.

Gavin, You’re amazing. My heart is exploding from all the love and pride I have for you.

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Filed under Breastfeeding, Gavin, Milestones, Mommyhood

I HEART:

1.  Blog Giveaways: I finally won something. You may remember me complaining about my non-sexy WHITE bra. Well the heavens have heard my prayers (…err read my blog post?). I won a new Lamaze Nursing Bra from Woman, Uncensored ! Hurray! I chose a BLACK lacy nursing bra! HOT – well as hot as a nursing bra can be! I enter alot of blog giveaway contests and I’ve only won one other thing. A water toy/game thing which Gavin won’t use for another three years. I won that from Chicago Parent Magazine, but that was a year ago…so hurray! Yay for me!

2. Borders $1 Clearance:  zomg. best. sale. ever. I made three trips to Borders over the past week and a half. Honestly one of the best book sales I’ve ever come across.  I think I purchased 38 books. Oops…Well at least it was only $38…and they are all books I actually want to read. Plus, I can trade them all on my new fave site- SWAPTREE!!!!!!! (I’m in love!!!! I can’t say enough good things about this site!)

Apparently nobody in my community reads, because I honestly think I was THE ONLY person that bought books from those shelves.  Every other Borders I went to their $1 shelves were completely picked over. They also had a $1 clearance on toys that was not really publicized. None of it was marked.  You had to search & scan for everything. Sadly, my store only had a few of the toys that were marked down to a dollar. Plus, most of the toys were for older kids and….I have enough crap in my house without storing more toys that G won’t use for another 5 years!!!!

3. Free crap from CVS:

CVS/ Walgreens - Week 1 - I spent .84 cents ...This would easily cost $40 full price.

CVS - WEEK 2 - I spent $9. Full price about $48

Well almost free. I just started using their CVS’s  Extra-Care Bucks, Walgreens Register Reward & coupon-ing HARDCORE. I’ve always been a coupon dabbler…But,  I like free stuff and at work I don’t do a whole lot lately…so that equals lots of time to coupon.  I don’t know why I haven’t been doing these drugstore deals my whole life. If you get the Sunday paper it is NOT HARD. There are tons and tons of blogs that list the free things you can get each week. I seriously never believed these coupon bloggers til I actually did it! My little purchases here are small compared to some of the others I’ve read about!

4. Guacomole, Tuna & Chips: – Me and my husband went out to Shaw’s Crabhouse for V-Day.  Seared Tuna with avocado is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE thing in the world.  I haven’t had it in a year due to pregnancy, having a new baby and not being able to leave the house for days on end. Yum. Mouth orgasm.

My parents were both in town and were able to watch G for us. We were planning on going out to a bar and meeting up with friends afterwards, but I missed the baby too much and wanted to come home and feed him. I’m lame and I love it.

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Filed under Bargain Hunting, BOOKS, Breastfeeding, FOOD, I HEART